3 year old trapped in an 8 year old body

I have a 3 year old stuck in the body of a 8 1/2 year old. For the past two weeks Ethan has mostly been at the emotional age of a 3 year old. You must understand that he didn't get to be a normal 3 year old. His basic needs were not met when he was 3. So his behavior recesses back to when he was 3, so that hopefully those needs can be met now.

He talks like a 3 year old. He does not know how to get dressed. He cheats at all games. He steals from family members and strangers. He needs help getting his food. I dish it up and cut it up into bite size pieces. He needs lots of cuddling and words of reassurance. He is not capable of play dates and sleep overs for now, even though he wants them. He has accidents, like many 2 and 3 year olds who are learning to potty train. He holds hands, and hangs on my arm. He constantly lies. He calls us mommy and daddy. He loves to play with toys in the bathtub. He is defiant. He loves to play make-believe with figures. He gets so tired that he needs a nap. He cries. Sound like a 3 year old? I agree.

However, mixed with 3 are moments of 8 1/2. He can go to school, read like a 3rd grader, he is amazing with his math skills. He can count money and change quickly. He can tell time to the minute and tell you elapsed time. He is starting to mulitply and divide and knows addition and subtraction facts quickly. He can ride his dirt bike and take jumps. He can play games that are difficult for some adults. He has amazing Chess skills. He can plan out moves ahead of time and see many things going on in the game. He frequently beats us and his older brothers. (Even without cheating.)

So in the midst of all this, we need to parent him. It is hard to tell when he is 8 and when he is 3 because it fluxtuates. Sometimes he needs help to put shoes on, and 10 minutes later he is quite capable of doing it himself and is insulted that we tried to help.

Last night he decided that he didn't want to go to sleep. When we went and checked on him 2 hours after putting him to bed, he was sitting up playing Knex. We should have checked earlier, but one of the side effects of one his medications is a serious sedative. Normally he cannot keep his eyes open 45 min to 1 hour after he takes his meds. So we rarely have problems with him going to sleep. The PS2 was also on this morning. He was up and playing it in the middle of the night.

Has anyone dealt with a tired 3 year old? That was how our morning went. Crying and unreasonable all morning. I can't get dressed, I can't eat, I can't brush my teeth, I can't stand up, please carry me. I can't find my socks. I can't get my shoes on. I can't tie my shoes. I can't find a sweatshirt. He was also upset about wearing a pull-up. It sounds mean to put my 8 year old in a pull up for school. But when he regresses to 3 throughout the day, he has accidents. But when he's 8, he's embarrassed. Hopefully his classmates do not notice, but they might. I feel guilty and yet know it's necessary for now. We went through this last year and he was having several accidents at school too.

Last night Greg asked him if he wanted to talk about his birth mom because we know he's been missing her lately. We got a very different response last night, than we did last week. He covered his ears, and screamed that he does not want to talk about her. He doesn't want to hear about her. Please don't say her name Daddy, please daddy stop. I'm not thinking about her and I don't want to think about her. Please stop daddy.

This is why we do this. This little boy is hurting so much. He needs us, even though he tests us all day long. This is hard for us as parents, but it is not nearly as hard as his short life has been. We do not know exactly what happened to him during those first 6 years, but they were not good. Please pray for us to remember that this little boy is acting out because he is hurt and scared. Pray for Ethan that he can cope with all his hurt, fear and pain.