I figured it out!

We are leaving for California in 2 days. Ethan is not doing well. He is really scared. He has been wetting a lot, which is somewhat unusual. It's clues like these that help us see how regulated or dysregulated he is. I know he's anxious, and we're trying to give them all the information that we can to help them not be scared.

This morning I told him that we would keep him safe in California and that mommy and daddy would be with him the whole time to keep him safe. Then he said it..."My real dad is in jail in California."

Oh, it never occured to me that, that would scare him. He doesn't know his biological dad, but he does know he's in California. He was in prison for something, we don't know what. Devon's last memory of him is a big fight with his biological mom and a knife. So Devon tells everyone that he tried to kill them. He has also been convicted of sexual misconduct with a minor child under the age of 14. His conviction is not related to the boys. He may have perpetrated on them, but it has not been proven.

No wonder the kid is scared out of his mind and wetting himself...I would too.

I assured him that he will never find Ethan. He is in jail and can't get out and we will NOT visit him. He will never find us in 1 000 000 people and he doesn't know we are coming. He also doesn't know Ethan's new last name, so we will be safe. Mommy and daddy will NEVER let him come near him or hurt him ever again. I was very firm about that. He gave me a hug and went out the door skipping.

Could the solution be that simple? Poor kid. We'll keep reassuring him. Now I'm kicking myself for not thinking of that sooner.

Probable Aspergers

According to Wikipedia, Asperger syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder, and people with it therefore show significant difficulties in social interaction, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. It differs from other autism spectrum disorders by its relative preservation of linguistic and cognitive development. Although not required for diagnosis, physical clumsiness and atypical use of language are frequently reported.[1][2]

About a week ago, our therapist gently asked me if I had considered Aspergers as an illness that Devon might be suffering from. I replied that I would not be surprised at all actually. I have worked with kids with both Autism and Aspergers in my teaching career, so I have a general idea of what it can look like. If you have met Devon, you will understand. He has always been on the socially awkward side and has many idiosyncrasies. We have always thought they were issues because he had not learned appropriate social skills in his birth home. He has the repetitive mannerisms, but these we also contributed to nervous habits he developed to help cope with abuse, neglect and trauma.

I mentioned this to our CTSS worker, who comes to our house once a week to help work on skills with the boys that will help them thrive in a home environment. She agreed and thought she had some information on it that she could bring me. Well...she came last night with the DSM's criteria for Aspergers.

In my mind Devon definately displays the symptoms of Aspergers on a regular basis. I'm not sure what to do with this information. I know the plan is to move forward to help him. It also explains many of his "odd" behaviors. It helps explain some of his social awkwardness and obsessions with certain topics..(currently it is blood, gore, death and killing) Maybe it will help us frame some of his behaviors as a symptom of yet another disability.

I am not a doctor and can't diagnose such a disability, but am planning on speaking with our psychiatrist about such a diagnosis at our next appointment. Or at least a plan of how to start the process. I suppose I will also start reading up on Aspergers and learning more about how to work with kids with this disorder. Even if he is not officially diagnosed, I may find some information that will help us work with him. We are already on track to make a visual schedule next week with our CTSS worker.

I am not a fan of all the fancy scientific words that are created to help describe some of my child's behaviors. But I am hopeful that these diagnosis will help us get him the help he needs. I must admit that the initial idea gives me a vision of a dim future. Will he be able to function on his own as an adult, will be handle college, will he ever marry, will he be able to hold onto a job? These are my big questions and goals for him. I suppose they are the same questions that every parent has for their children. I'm just sharing my initial fears.

The Library

Devon is opening a library in his room. He is always looking for ways to make money, and he is sure a library is the way to go. Here are the rules so far: You can check out up to 10 books at a time for 1 month. If it is late, you have to pay 10 cents per day per book and if you wreck the book, you have to pay for it. He has also hired Sydney to help him with all the demands of a library. He is paying her 50% of all the profits.

Here are the pros:
It is inventive
He is thinking it through
He might actually make 50 cents off of Ethan
He is organizing his room
He is really excited about it

Here are the cons:
Devon's organization issues may prevent profits
There are limits to his book selections...the choices are Animorphs or old National Geographic Magazines
He may scare off potential clients with his rigid rules and unfriendly demeanor

Ethan is excitedly picking out books, and all the kids are donating books to his library. He is also planning on adding a movie section.

NEW NEWS:
Ethan is now opening an extention of the library, by renting out all my school books that are in his room. Although, the ones he doesn't like are still being donated to Devon's library.