Earlier this spring, Ethan, Sydney and I diligently planted our new garden. The old garden was not getting enough sunlight, so Greg built us a new one. He plotted it, tilled and even built us a fence around it to keep out the wildlife.
Sydney, Ethan and I went and pounded in stakes, made string for straight rows, hoed the rows and planted our seeds. Ethan was especially thrilled. He loves everything about the garden. He loves weeding it, picking beans and peas, and watching everything grow. He helped water it too with the 200 feet of hose we needed.
Ethan has gone down several times to check the garden and tends to pick things that aren't ready yet. He insists they are. This week it's been the carrots. They beg to pick, wash and eat carrots...which I always say yes to. He loves eating lettuce and radishes too. The radishes didn't fare to well and are still in the garden, but he picks them anyway.
Today Ethan's brain is stuck. He's in a state of fear or chaos. So Ethan asked if he could pick some corn. I said, "No, we aren't going to be home for dinner tonight. You have to eat corn the day you pick it. We are having company on Monday, so we'll eat it then." So Ethan got 3 other kids to help him pick corn, because he interpretted that statement to mean, "Yes, let's all go pick corn right now." So I was interrupted from weeding my flowers for Sydney to ask if we could still eat corn when it breaks in half. I asked her why she was picking corn, to which she replyed...oh Ethan told us all that we should pick it. Aaaahhhhhh. (That's me, not Ethan.)
It's corn, it's not a big deal. We can always buy corn. I'm just sad that all our painstaking work in the garden was picked for nothing. I'm sad that my boy is in this state. The fear of school starting is back again. I'm sure we'll be stuck until we are 3 or 4 weeks into the swing of school. It just makes me wonder what in the world happened to these boys that makes them fear the school schedule, or is it just anything new that is scary? I know they've had many scary experiences in their lives. I just wish a hug and a kiss could take it all away, but of course it isn't that easy. Please pray for my boys for the next month. I'm sure it'll be a tough one for them.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Josiah Showers with a Bat
Last night Devon came upstairs after going to bed and said he saw a thing about 5 inches wide flying around his room. He got up and turned on the light, but he couldn't find it. I teased him by saying it was probably a bat. Hopefully it just ate bugs and wouldn't bite him while he slept. We assured him we were kidding and decided together that it must have been a moth. (Bats are not allowed...they freak me out!)
This morning, Josiah jumped in the shower before school. He saw a black lump on the shower curtain, but thought it was poop. (Which is also disturbing, but not always surprising at our house.) When he turned the shower off and moved the curtain, the lump moved a claw. Then it spread it's wet wings. Thank goodness this was not me because I would have been in hysterics. Joe quickly got dressed and came up to tell me that there was a bat flying around downstairs. (I'm not sure what he thought I was going to do.) I did what any mother would do...told him to get dad and locked myself in the bathroom.
Greg got up and went downstairs with all the kids. All of whom were screaming, and yelling. Not from fear, but absolute excitement. Josiah barely missed grabbing it. Devon came running up and was yelling through the bathroom door that he wanted the bat for a pet. He stomped back downstairs when I had to tell him, "No Way, No How!" Did you notice my great mothering instincts to protect my kids? I was not about to open that door for anyone. Greg finally whacked it with a broom and threw it outside in the bushes. Josiah was convinced that it was going to fly in the house again. I did not come out of the bathroom for at least 5 minutes after the bat had been released into the wild.
We have a huge bat house and we live by a creek. I'm fine with having all the bats as long as I never see them. They eat bugs and are great to have around. I, however, plan to never see or touch one. Thank goodness Greg came home a day early from his hunting trip, or I would still be locked in the bathroom.
This morning, Josiah jumped in the shower before school. He saw a black lump on the shower curtain, but thought it was poop. (Which is also disturbing, but not always surprising at our house.) When he turned the shower off and moved the curtain, the lump moved a claw. Then it spread it's wet wings. Thank goodness this was not me because I would have been in hysterics. Joe quickly got dressed and came up to tell me that there was a bat flying around downstairs. (I'm not sure what he thought I was going to do.) I did what any mother would do...told him to get dad and locked myself in the bathroom.
Greg got up and went downstairs with all the kids. All of whom were screaming, and yelling. Not from fear, but absolute excitement. Josiah barely missed grabbing it. Devon came running up and was yelling through the bathroom door that he wanted the bat for a pet. He stomped back downstairs when I had to tell him, "No Way, No How!" Did you notice my great mothering instincts to protect my kids? I was not about to open that door for anyone. Greg finally whacked it with a broom and threw it outside in the bushes. Josiah was convinced that it was going to fly in the house again. I did not come out of the bathroom for at least 5 minutes after the bat had been released into the wild.
We have a huge bat house and we live by a creek. I'm fine with having all the bats as long as I never see them. They eat bugs and are great to have around. I, however, plan to never see or touch one. Thank goodness Greg came home a day early from his hunting trip, or I would still be locked in the bathroom.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
March Mud
Some days I think I may have earned mom of the year. The jury is still out on this one however. Today was about 60 degrees and sunny. The first gorgeous day of Spring. Most of the snow is gone, which leaves us with a lot of MUD! I was inspired to go on a family walk or bike ride, but was somewhat dismayed by all of our mud. We have a lot of shade by our house, so our gravel roads have not yet dried. I knew it would be a mess if we went, so I decided to embrace the weather and the day.
For anyone who wanted to attend, we decided on a family bike ride and would see who would be the muddiest when we were through. All kids love mud and puddles, so why not embrace them. It originally sounded like a fun way to spend the day. It wouldn't take that long to clean up. So I had to do a load of laundry this afternoon...no big deal right. Well, the pictures can tell the rest of the story.
When almost home, the kids stopped to wait and saw the biggest puddle of mud in the farmer's corn field. They were slipping and sliding. They fell down a couple of times. They decided to make mud angels. They decided that washing their bikes when we got home would be fun. They threw mud balls and rubbed mud all over themselves. They were FILTHY!
The mud was a mess to clean up, but I think all the giggles might have been worth it...MIGHT have been worth it. Like I said, the jury is still out on this one.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Ultimate King of the Hill
We are really loving all the snow. Greg was complaining last week that it was starting to look dirty outside and that we just needed some new snow to make everything look white and fresh again. Well, we got about 8 to 9 inches and a snow day on Tuesday. Everything looks gorgeous. This morning the trees are covered in a thick layer of frost, so it's extra beautiful out.
The other great part of all the snow is clearing the driveway. We have a tractor with a bucket, so Greg makes big piles of snow at the end and along the side of the driveway. These piles are great for sliding on, climbing on, and hollowing out. They are not good for the temptation of "Ultimate King of the Hill" which means whoever is on top, throws everyone else off and into people, or surrounding trees. Kicking and hitting are completely allowed, and jumping on the heads of anyone approaching is encouraged. I know we are terrible parents because we have outlawed King of the Hill at our house. We are "buzzkill" parents...it's true...but I must do it for the safety of all. Devon and Ethan both tend to get riled up and take things to the extreme and really have a "fight to the death" mentality when it comes to this game. Josiah and Sydney could handle nicely pushing each other down and having a fun time of it, but we would prefer that all our children live through snow games or come out of them without permanent paralysis.
So, since our snow day 4 days ago, we have said at least 2 or 3 times a day that King of the Hill is not OK. Yes we give the same directions over and over and over and over, and some of our children still ignore the rules...not all, but some. I came home from work yesterday about 15 minutes after the kids got home. They were instructed to play outside until I got home. And guess what game they were playing? You guessed right! I came home to 2 kids crying, 1 kid smirking, and 1 doing something completely different and following the rules. (Yes, Josiah...aka The Golden Child)
I have not even gotten out of the van when I am hit with a deluge of words from the mouths of all 4 kids. I am hearing things like, "I almost died", "Devon is trying to kill me", "It's not my fault!", "I didn't go it", "My head was banging on the tree.". "Ethan made me fall down." "Sydney slid right into me.", "Ethan jumped on me." These are the only words I could really make out over the tears, crying and yelling. So we all came in the house, hung up school stuff and sat silently, criss-cross apple sauce on the floor in the living room. (Sydney was still getting her boots off, Ethan had to go to the bathroom, Devon needed a drink because he was so parched) So really the golden child sat quietly on the floor.
Once we were situated, the story comes out that Ethan wanted to play "Ultimate King of the Hill" and Sydney and Devon were just being wonderful siblings because they wanted to make Ethan happy. (Aren't they sweet!) So we reviewed the rules calmly, talked about safety calmly, asked how we could solve the problem calmly. And in the end, it was decided that the kids who played the outlawed game were grounded from video games and TV for the week for their poor choices.
The best part comes when Devon let's me know that it's not fair, nor is it his fault. (It never is) Because he was just trying to be a good brother (By smashing Ethans' head into a tree.) It's also not fair because the winter olympics start tonight and he wanted to watch them. It's definately not fair because he will be 16 before the Winter Olympics are here again. Sadly for Devon, my heart was not moved by his sentiments of unfairness and the ruling stands.
Later, when no one is around, Sydney approaches me and says, "Mom, you really should just ground me. It was my idea to play with Ethan, so he wouldn't cry and scream outside. Don't ground Ethan and Devon, it's not their fault." This statement does somewhat sway me, because I am moved by her selflessness. This is a much better reason than, "but I want...". However the ruling did stand because I am frequently accused of playing favorites. Two of my kids are grounded a lot due to their choices. Two are not grounded because of their choices. I am accused of inequity all the time, so I am very aware of trying to keep things fair.
I wonder who will play King of the Hill today when we go outside...
The other great part of all the snow is clearing the driveway. We have a tractor with a bucket, so Greg makes big piles of snow at the end and along the side of the driveway. These piles are great for sliding on, climbing on, and hollowing out. They are not good for the temptation of "Ultimate King of the Hill" which means whoever is on top, throws everyone else off and into people, or surrounding trees. Kicking and hitting are completely allowed, and jumping on the heads of anyone approaching is encouraged. I know we are terrible parents because we have outlawed King of the Hill at our house. We are "buzzkill" parents...it's true...but I must do it for the safety of all. Devon and Ethan both tend to get riled up and take things to the extreme and really have a "fight to the death" mentality when it comes to this game. Josiah and Sydney could handle nicely pushing each other down and having a fun time of it, but we would prefer that all our children live through snow games or come out of them without permanent paralysis.
So, since our snow day 4 days ago, we have said at least 2 or 3 times a day that King of the Hill is not OK. Yes we give the same directions over and over and over and over, and some of our children still ignore the rules...not all, but some. I came home from work yesterday about 15 minutes after the kids got home. They were instructed to play outside until I got home. And guess what game they were playing? You guessed right! I came home to 2 kids crying, 1 kid smirking, and 1 doing something completely different and following the rules. (Yes, Josiah...aka The Golden Child)
I have not even gotten out of the van when I am hit with a deluge of words from the mouths of all 4 kids. I am hearing things like, "I almost died", "Devon is trying to kill me", "It's not my fault!", "I didn't go it", "My head was banging on the tree.". "Ethan made me fall down." "Sydney slid right into me.", "Ethan jumped on me." These are the only words I could really make out over the tears, crying and yelling. So we all came in the house, hung up school stuff and sat silently, criss-cross apple sauce on the floor in the living room. (Sydney was still getting her boots off, Ethan had to go to the bathroom, Devon needed a drink because he was so parched) So really the golden child sat quietly on the floor.
Once we were situated, the story comes out that Ethan wanted to play "Ultimate King of the Hill" and Sydney and Devon were just being wonderful siblings because they wanted to make Ethan happy. (Aren't they sweet!) So we reviewed the rules calmly, talked about safety calmly, asked how we could solve the problem calmly. And in the end, it was decided that the kids who played the outlawed game were grounded from video games and TV for the week for their poor choices.
The best part comes when Devon let's me know that it's not fair, nor is it his fault. (It never is) Because he was just trying to be a good brother (By smashing Ethans' head into a tree.) It's also not fair because the winter olympics start tonight and he wanted to watch them. It's definately not fair because he will be 16 before the Winter Olympics are here again. Sadly for Devon, my heart was not moved by his sentiments of unfairness and the ruling stands.
Later, when no one is around, Sydney approaches me and says, "Mom, you really should just ground me. It was my idea to play with Ethan, so he wouldn't cry and scream outside. Don't ground Ethan and Devon, it's not their fault." This statement does somewhat sway me, because I am moved by her selflessness. This is a much better reason than, "but I want...". However the ruling did stand because I am frequently accused of playing favorites. Two of my kids are grounded a lot due to their choices. Two are not grounded because of their choices. I am accused of inequity all the time, so I am very aware of trying to keep things fair.
I wonder who will play King of the Hill today when we go outside...
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Character Information
The kid-friendly examples and definitions of the 6 pillars of character are from www.charactercounts.org. Aparently I cannot cut and paste onto this site. The picture was a google image.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Character Education
I know it's the teacher in me. I want a behavior plan for my kids. I love sticker charts and reward systems. I can't help myself. The problem is our therapist doesn't like them. We have tried a couple different ideas and when the reward is not met, there are meltdowns. Which is not the goal. We are also supposed to work for intrinsic gratification, not external. (Doing a good job because it feels good and is right, not because you will get a treat.)
We are supposed to help our kids be successful by meeting them at the place they are in. We are to be praising and loving them in all things. If they scream at us, we are to sit down, hold them and calm them. If they refuse to clean their rooms, we go down and do it with them. We are to be calm and regulating at all times. There are no consequences for behaviors. There is simply an environment of caring and loving parenting at all times. When there is a major issue, we talk it through calmly at a later time when our children can hear us in a loving way. This is the philosophy anyway. Our house doesn't run like this all the time, even though it's supposed to.
Greg and I frequently resist this because we want them to do it by themselves, and expect that they can. When they cannot, we are still bewildered because they have been able to do it for two months, but for whatever reason, one day they can't. I do praise and acknowledge good behavior when I see it, but I am human. Some kids get more praise, some kids are left out, I don't praise every good thing I see, or even the ones I should see. My expectations are different for all my kids because they need to be. I want to be more intentional in noticing good character traits in all my kids.
So here is my latest and greatest reward chart idea. I printed off a poster with the six pillars of good character: respect, responsibility, citizenship, caring, fairness, and trustworthiness. I also printed off some kid-friendly definitions and examples to post. At the end of the day, each child puts a sticker under the pillar they most represented that day. That way, everyone gets a sticker each day and they are coming up with their own ideas about how they showed good character. We can do this as a family after school or at bedtime or after family devotion time. We can talk about the good character we saw in each other, acknowledge and praise it. We can see which character traits are strong, and which ones we need to work on. Hopefully this will be self motivating in seeing places we need to work. Mostly, I hope I remember to do it, or that the kids enjoy doing it so they remind me to do it each night. Wish us luck!
We are supposed to help our kids be successful by meeting them at the place they are in. We are to be praising and loving them in all things. If they scream at us, we are to sit down, hold them and calm them. If they refuse to clean their rooms, we go down and do it with them. We are to be calm and regulating at all times. There are no consequences for behaviors. There is simply an environment of caring and loving parenting at all times. When there is a major issue, we talk it through calmly at a later time when our children can hear us in a loving way. This is the philosophy anyway. Our house doesn't run like this all the time, even though it's supposed to.
Greg and I frequently resist this because we want them to do it by themselves, and expect that they can. When they cannot, we are still bewildered because they have been able to do it for two months, but for whatever reason, one day they can't. I do praise and acknowledge good behavior when I see it, but I am human. Some kids get more praise, some kids are left out, I don't praise every good thing I see, or even the ones I should see. My expectations are different for all my kids because they need to be. I want to be more intentional in noticing good character traits in all my kids.
So here is my latest and greatest reward chart idea. I printed off a poster with the six pillars of good character: respect, responsibility, citizenship, caring, fairness, and trustworthiness. I also printed off some kid-friendly definitions and examples to post. At the end of the day, each child puts a sticker under the pillar they most represented that day. That way, everyone gets a sticker each day and they are coming up with their own ideas about how they showed good character. We can do this as a family after school or at bedtime or after family devotion time. We can talk about the good character we saw in each other, acknowledge and praise it. We can see which character traits are strong, and which ones we need to work on. Hopefully this will be self motivating in seeing places we need to work. Mostly, I hope I remember to do it, or that the kids enjoy doing it so they remind me to do it each night. Wish us luck!
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